Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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