yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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