Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
