The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
