There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
