Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
