Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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