I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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