he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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