got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize