did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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