um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
