Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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