Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love having hate sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize