It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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