I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
