I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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