Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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