he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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