she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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