ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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