the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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