the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
