today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
