Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
