I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
