turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize