here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
