You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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