I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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