I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
