but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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