My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
