So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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