People with herpes should wear stickers.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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