you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize