I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
