I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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