I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize