I'm so fucking centered right now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
