Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
