I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize