there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
