Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
