yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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