I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
