Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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