this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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