Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
