oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
