We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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