My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
