They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
