Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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