question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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