Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
