I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize