a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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