my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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