I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
