you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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