Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
did you just send me my own nude
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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