Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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