Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize