in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
