Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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