i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Boobs speak an international language.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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