Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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